Onceler in Egypt
by Nausicaa of the Spirits
Summary: Parody of 'Porky in Egypt.' The Once-ler tries to take a tour in Egypt to visit the pyramids.


Summary: Parody of 'Porky in Egypt.' The Once-ler tries to take a tour in Egypt to visit the pyramids.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own the cartoon or the characters being used in here, especially the young version of Once-ler. What I wouldn't give if I could own him.

* * *

The story begins in an Egyptian town with an Egyptian on top of a tower singing an ancient tune. The scene then switches to a group of Egyptians.

One of them repeats the tune, before he suddenly rolls some dice, getting a four, saying, "Come on, seven! Baby needs a new pair of shoes! Don't fail me now!"

A veiled Egyptian woman walks out of a building, as we hear some men wolf-whistle, until she takes her veil off, revealing she was weird-looking, as she said, "Hello, boys," and chuckled, putting her veil back on, while another Egyptian sitting on a bed of spikes, stuck with needles, and a dagger, sits near a pot before he pulls out a torch and eats it, but then yelps, because of how hot it is, before spraying some water into his throat.

We now see another Egyptian standing in front of a horse with a sign saying, 'See the homes of the Mummy Stars, 50 cents' as the man speaks in Egyptian, before saying in English, "And we're pulling right out." A group of tourists filed into the area, as one tourist got onto the horse and the tour guide got onto the horse, calling out, "All aboard."

The horse then moved, revealing how long it was with each and every tourist riding on it, with a trailer trailing behind it with two skunks on it.

Just then, a young man with black hair and blue eyes wearing a gray fedora, gray vest, white shirt, gray pants, and black shoes whose name was Once-ler came running, yelling, "Hey, wait for me!" He tripped and watched as the group left and he said, "I wanna go, too!"

Once-ler ran off and then got onto a donkey named Melvin, going out into the desert.

"Come on, Melvin, hurry up," Once-ler said. "Come on, can't you go any…" But then he got an idea and shouted, "Swing it!"

The donkey began to move faster. An angry face appeared on the sun, before it blew hot air onto Melvin and Once-ler.

"Gee, it sure is hot," Once-ler said, taking his hat off and wiping the sweat from his face with a cloth. "I'm roasting!"

The sun then shone on an oasis, burning the trees and making the water boil. Melvin collapsed.

"Come on, Melvin, we can make it," Once-ler said, making Melvin's hind legs stand up.

But, as he turned away, Melvin's hind legs, collapsed and he sat up, sitting on top of the Once-ler. Suddenly, the sun's ray became an arm with a boxing glove and punched Melvin, dazing him and getting up so that Once-ler could crawl out from under him. The donkey shook his head and then heard some disembodied voices.

"Melvin." The donkey perked an ear up and listened. "Melvin." The donkey looked around, and more voices spoke his name faster, as some evil laughter was heard and the voices continued, as the donkey freaked out and then screamed.

"The voices," Melvin said. "They got me. It's the desert madness! Cannons to the right of me. Boots, boots, boots! I'm going mad! It's the gallows!" He then said to the Once-ler, "Buddy, we're lost! We'll rot and become bones! White, chalky bones!" The donkey began crying, as the Once-ler stared at him in confusion, before the donkey suddenly hallucinated donkeys, camels, and horses walking above him. "What's that?" Melvin said. "We're saved! The donkeys, horses, and camels are coming! The donkeys, horses, and camels are coming! The donkeys, horses, and camels are coming!"

Melvin then walked off, playing the bagpipes with a loony grin on his face and did a Scottish dance before playing the bagpipes again as he walked across the dunes.

"Hey, come back, Melvin," Once-ler said, "come back!" He tripped and began crawling, as he said, "Don't leave me alone!"

But then, he saw a pool up ahead of him with Melvin in it, complete with palm trees, a diving board, and a table. Melvin waved to him and Once-ler gaped in surprise, before he grinned and ran over, and dove headfirst…into sand. It was only a mirage.

Melvin plucked the Once-ler out of the sand and kissed him, before yelling, "Yahoo!" and backstroking through the sand, before saying, in a best impression of Lew Lehr, "Donkeys is the craziest people." He then made the sound of a horse neighing, before he pretended to be galloping off on a horse, yelling, "Hi-ho, Silver!" before he bonked into a palm tree and snapped out of it, as the Once-ler ran up to him.

"Gee," Melvin said, "I guess the heat got me. I'm okay now."

The two smiled at each other, before the disembodied voices began calling Melvin's name again.

"They're coming back," Melvin said. "Quick, let's get out of here!"

He picked the Once-ler up and immediately ran, before he bumped into another tree, as a disembodied voice called out, "Melvin, come back."

Melvin got up and hightailed it across the dunes, carrying the Once-ler along, as the disembodied voices continued to call to Melvin, before Melvin arrived back in the town and went into a safehouse with the Once-ler and proceeded to close four doors, lock four locks, and bolt the door.

Melvin sighed in relief and said to the Once-ler, "Safe at last."

"Yeah, now we're safe," the Once-ler said, before he put a hat with the letter N on it on his head and began dancing weirdly, while whooping crazily, as Melvin stared at him in confusion.

_**That's all, folks!**_


End file.
